I’ve been silently having a hissy fit

My journey seems to be continuing as I reflect on my need to honor God with my body by stewarding it well. To emphasize this point and need in my life, Paul wrote to the Colossians, We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, (Col.1:9b).

I would definitely call myself an emotional eater. If I’m stressed at work or feeling the pressure of family drama I soothe my nerves with either sweet or salty food. Last week, after being on the receiving end of a call alerting me to more slanderous accusations about me by the cult leader and a lone loyalist he still has, I found myself gravitating toward food, again.

I took some time off this weekend and did a 2-day personal retreat at an AirBnb close to the water. I was feeling like I just needed some extended time sitting at His feet, being refreshed.

My friend Christine Trimpe was kicking off a 21-day bootcamp to getting off sugar as a first step in making some lifestyle changes in my nutritional goals, and I signed up. I knew I needed to take a step of action after realizing I needed to take better care of my temple. As I introduced myself to the group, I said something that was like, ummm, did I really just say that?

It went like this:

“And I am here because I have an ongoing struggle with using food to satisfy a craving that God won’t let me indulge. That probably sounds a little weird, but He has made it clear for me that I am not to drink wine. One of my favorite things to do, only I’m one of those who can’t just have one glass. His exact words were, “others may, you may not!” So because I really don’t like having to obey in that area, but I do it because I love Him and I want to honor Him, I end up eating what I shouldn’t eat, (is that what you call switching addictions?) — yes, I admit it, McDonalds! — and sometimes binging on chips, which is not healthy for me and I know it and it’s finally time to admit it, and do something about it!

During my time away I pondered this confession and realized I’ve been kinda ticked off at God about this whole thing, which led me once again to my knees in repentance, overflowing out of godly sorrow. The one thing I enjoy (wine) that would let me relax a little, He said NO to, and I did not like it one little bit, and that horrified me.

As I dove into a chapter from The Deeper Life by AW Tozer, a disclaimer was included at the beginning of the section I had earmarked for my time away – more than a disclaimer, I would call it more of a warning.

“If God has singled you out to be a special object of His grace, you may expect Him to honor you with stricter discipline and greater suffering…”

He has shown me over and over again how I must be sober-minded at all times, and can I just admit that I’ve been silently having a hissy fit about this?

The next thing I knew this song popped up and the lyrics became the focus of the rest of my time away as an act of surrender.


And THAT is the key – surrendering my heart in this area of my life – so that the rest of the verse from Colossians 1 will become a reality:

…so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience. (Col. 1:9b-11).

This journey is going to take endurance and patience, and he is going to have to strengthen me with all power according to his glorious might. This is NOT going to be easy, but I know for sure, it’s going to be worth it!

Have you ever gotten mad at God for something He asked of you that you thought was just too hard? How did that go? I’d love to hear your story.

Thanks for spending some time with me today!


Athena Dean Holtz
Welcome, I'm Athena!

I start each day by tithing the first hour to the Lord in prayer, reading the word, doing word studies of the Text, and asking God how I can live out what I am reading. This time is usually met with meditation on devotionals that are usually written by dead guys like Oswald Chambers, CS Lewis, Charles Spurgeon, AW Tozer, and Andrew Murray.

Right now, I’m reading a daily devotional with a friend called Tozer on the Almighty God for my focus for the day. It's fun to see individually what pulls us in to spur one another on to good deeds!

The Bible is filled with action steps to walk out in practical and intentional ways. This sets my day in motion to walk it out! I hope this is your heart, too.

Consider this a personal invitation to join me in this journey!

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