Yesterday marked the two year anniversary of Ross’s late wife, Cathy, running into the arms of Jesus.
It took half the day and a few posts about her by others before I connected the dots and realized the significance of the day.
I still struggle to understand God’s ways in all of it. In order for me to be redeemed and restored with Ross as a life partner, others had to experience great pain and loss.
I wasn’t here when it all happened, when spirits were crushed and God was questioned as to why it had to go the way it did.
I hear the stories. I try to connect with the great pain felt in the loss of a mother so beloved, a mother in law cherished, a one and only lover and wife of 49 years, an inspiration to many at The Summit.
And what a woman she was.
To love her husband enough to encourage him to marry again and quickly. And to give him a list. She knew him well after half of a century of love and relationship. She knew what he needed and what would make him happy. And that was important enough to her to communicate in a way that Ross knew, in no uncertain terms, that when it was finally staring us in the face, we had her blessing.
So when she told me, just three months after meeting me, and more than a year before she was even diagnosed with cancer, that I was the one for him if anything ever happened to her… I don’t know how to make sense of it.
Was that prophetic?
Did she know, down deep, that God would take her too soon?
I don’t know.
I don’t understand it.
But I know God used those words and her list to bring peace in the family when he brought us together. Maybe she knew it would take her confirmation to bring closure, to bring peace and a sense of approval for what can often destroy a church and bring division in a body that sometimes cannot be overcome…
I’m not sure I can wrap my head around all of it.
But this one thing I know. God used Cathy Holtz to raise four children who have a strong sense of family and loyalty. Four children who love their Papa was a commitment that is rare these days. She left behind a legacy of fierce love and quirky ways that will never be forgotten.
Her memory lives on, and I don’t try to fill her shoes for those left behind.
I honor her by loving those she loved the most … and by being me, the one she chose above the rest to take care of the one she loved so well.
I guess I don’t have to understand the ways of God to be grateful for them, huh?