IT WAS SUNNY AND BREEZY AND TIME TO GO FOR A DINGY RIDE BEFORE DINNER.
As we chugged around Commencement Bay I was feeling very small compared to the huge container ship waiting to be brought into the slip.
The universe is immeasurable, the waters vast, the mountain massive.
And we are in this little dingy, (the small inflatable boat we tow behind our sailboat).
We are so small.
Made me think of a song my son wrote about Saint Brendan after learning about him in his Church History studies…one of the early Irish monastic saints. Wikipedia says he is chiefly renowned for his legendary quest to the “Isle of the Blessed,” also called Saint Brendan’s Island. The Voyage of Saint Brendan could be called an immram (Irish navigational story).
The sea so wide…my boat so small.
My thoughts began to wander…
How many times have I allowed the waves of doubt and fear and discouragement to wash over me to the point where I’m incapacitated?
How often do I listen to the accuser whisper in my ear that I am too small, this job God is asking me to do is way too big, and I’m in way over my head?
The waves in life can be so daunting.
The sea so wide. My boat so small.
I think about my new life as a pastor’s wife. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t feel qualified. I know I miss meeting expectations. I hurt people’s feelings. I miss opportunities to lay my life down.
Having recently been asked to head up the women’s ministry in our church along with our other pastor’s wife, in many ways, has struck fear in my heart.
That’s not my gift, Lord! I can’t measure up!
There’s no way I can fill the shoes left by our women’s pastor when she left her post here on this earth to join Him in Heaven shortly after Ross and I married.
The sea is so wide…my boat is so small.
The giants of expectation are so large…and I feel tiny compared to them.
It’s at times like this that He reminds me…
I’m God and you’re not.
If I can create the universe, command the winds to cease, stop the sun, heal the sick, give sight to the blind, and raise My Son from the dead, don’t you think I can accomplish My will through You, no matter how incapable you feel?
I think of when Moses sent Joshua and his team to check out the Promised Land… he and Caleb ended up being the only ones who saw clearly with eyes of faith.
“Yes, they saw the giants, but Caleb and Joshua saw God! Those who doubt say, “We be not able to go up.” Those who believe say, “Let us go up at once and possess it, for we are well able.”
Giants stand for great difficulties: and giants are stalking everywhere. They are in our families, in our churches, in our social life, in our hearts; and we must overcome them or they will eat us up, as these men of old said of the giants of Canaan…
It is when we are in the way of duty that we find giants. It was when Israel was going forward that the giants appeared. When they turned back into the wilderness they found none. (selected from Streams in the Desert 6/29)
Oh God, please forgive me for seeing the giants instead of the opportunity to glorify Your Name that You have provided.
I can relate to the father whose son was demon possessed… he wanted so badly to trust that Jesus could deliver his son from those evil spirits, but he admitted his struggle to believe fully and go all the way with his faith:
The father instantly cried out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)
Lord, you don’t call the equipped, You equip those You call.
I do believe. Please, Lord, help me overcome my unbelief!
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